Bullying Happens!

I've been thinking about bullying these days. There are too many news stories of people in power and their bullying ways. It would be nice if this was never an issue in faith communities or religious schools, but it is. We are comfortable talking about the importance of hospitality, but addressing dysfunctional power dynamics is more difficult and perhaps more important. Picture books are a great tool for difficult subjects. Yes, bullying happens, even among those who talk a lot about God, but what better place to explore the idea that we are all equally God's beloved children, even the bullies.

Picture Book: The Recess Queen

Author: Alexis O’Neill

Illustrator: Laura Huliska-Beith

Summary:  The title character in this original take on bullying is Mean Jean. No one gets to swing or kick or bounce until after Mean Jean. 

If anyone tries, she gets physical. Mean Jean growls 

and howls when there are complaints.

Then new student teeny, tiny Katie Sue arrives. 

No one warns Katie Sue about Mean Jean so Katie Sue swings, kicks, and jumps with abandon. 

The other kids are amazed! Mean Jean is furious. She charges through the playground, grabs Katie Sue, and explains her rules. 

 

What does Katie Sue do? She talks back! "How did you get so bossy?" Then she continues her play. 

Mean Jean becomes even more furious and chases after Katie Sue. The children continue to be riveted. 

Then Katie Sue pulls out of her backpack a jump rope and invites Jean to play. 

Jean is as shocked as the rest of the children. No one has ever dared ask Jean to play! 

 

So Katie Sue jumps while rhyming more invitations:
I like popcorn,
I like tea,
I want Jean 
to jump with me! (She doesn't call her Mean Jean.)
When a bystander encourages Jean to jump in, she does. 

Fearless jumping and giggling ensue. 

That encounter makes all the difference for the whole community. The playground is a fun place for everyone. 

Hanna’s Comments: I like this book because the author has great fun with words (my summary above doesn't do it justice):

If kids ever crossed her,
she'd push 'em and smoosh 'em
Lollapaloosh ‘em, 
hammer’em, slammer ‘em, 
kitz and kajammer ‘em. 

This keeps the tone light so you can tip toe into the deep of this serious subject. This book resolves the issue of bullying with such joy that I think your audience won't mind talking about it. Ignoring a difficult subject and dysfunctional dynamics in a faith community can not only do harm but turn individuals against religion and even faith for the rest of their lives. A community that touts God’s love can’t afford to hide hate or cruelty. In 2014 at PBT, I featured a series of books about bullying which were mostly dark. Check out the first in the series [here]. In contrast, The Recess Queen is fun and still gets to the heart of the issue, resolving the problem with kindness and hospitality. 

Original Publisher & Date: Scholastic, 2002

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 4 and up, Pre and up

Formats other than Book: Tablet

Scripture Connections: Because of so many bystanders in this story, highlight the concept of witness with verses such as "Let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works..." (Matthew 5:16).  There is obvious application here for The Great Commandment: "Love your neighbor as yourself." (Leviticus 19:18; Mark 12:31) 

Idea(s) for Application: Read this book to a group of children in your faith community if you have a bully or bully victims. This book or other books about bullying can also be great tools for preventing bullying problems. 

Ouch Words Hurt

Picture Book: Ouch! Moments: When Words are 

                                          Used in Hurtful Ways

Author: Michael Genhart

Illustrator: Viviana Garofoli 

Summary: This book is all about how words can hurt, particularly in a classroom. Such words bring about ouch moments just like a bee sting does. 

Words might come in a whisper or when someone is trying to be funny, but they still hurt. 

Ouch moments can come quickly so that it’s hard for kids to know how to respond. 

Bullies and bystanders wield a kind of power so that victims feel small and need help, but the bully and the bystanders need help too. 

What is suggested for victims and bystanders?

Be calm. Don’t join the meanness.

Be brave and find a friend.

Be yourself. Be proud. Don’t believe the ugly words. Talk to yourself in nice ways.

Be loud, saying nothing hurts too.  Responses like “Really?” or “Stop it!” are good.

Be caring. Ask why the mean words were said.

Be kind. Don’t say mean words. Think about how you would feel if mean words were said about you.

Tell an adult who might have a solution.

Practicing one of these responses might make a difference. Then the situation can change. You have a choice.

Hanna’s Comments: Our children are our best hope for a loving future. I am disheartened by the rancor that surfaced in our presidential election and continues. I suspect that those of you in other countries find such insults disturbing too. It is smart to explore with children about how words can hurt and teach positive responses. Giving them opportunities to explore why hurtful words are said and how to respond creates more loving environments and more resilient children. We very much want these in our faith communities. Connecting these situations to scripture is easy. The Golden Rule grounds much of the instruction in this book. Also, there are Bible stories that involve hurtful words. A few of those are listed below. They all involve women. Imagine that! You'll find a Note to Parents and Caregivers in the back written by Kevin L. Nadal, Ph.D. If you would like a book that covers this subject for younger children, check out this earlier PBT [post] about 2 board books, one version of which has Spanish subtitles. 

Original Publisher & Date: Magination Press, 2015

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 5 and up, K and up

Formats other than Book: None at present

Scripture Connections:  The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12); Jesus talks with the Syrophoenician mother (Mark 7: 24-30); Jesus anointed at Bethany (Mark 14:3-9); Mary and Martha at home (Luke 10:38-42); The Woman about to be stoned (John 8:1-11)

Idea(s) for Application: Read this book to a group of children in Sunday School who have been saying some hurtful words to each other. 

Microphones, Bullies, & Stinky Feet

The following 3 books are a series. Each is rich with potential conversations about what it means to be meek and yet self-determining, manipulated and then powerful, anxious and yet willing to trust joy. Through these 3 books, you’ll see Willow evolve in ways that are worth examining. It is likely that the children in your faith family are like Willow at times, struggling with the demands of school and their own uncertainty. Adults could learn a thing or two from Willow’s tenderness, courage, and determination.  

Picture Book: Willow’s Whispers

Author: Lana Button

Illustrator: Tania Howells

Summary: In this introduction to Willow, we learn that she is very soft-spoken.

This causes some problems in her classroom because she is not able to communicate her desires. Eventually, she cleverly creates a microphone that helps. 

When the mike is accidentally crushed, she realizes her strength to speak so that she can be heard.

Hanna’s Comments: The reasons for Willow’s soft voice are not told to us here. Instead, we get a glimpse of what it’s like to be unheard and even unseen.

This situation can be applied to all sorts of individuals and groups, in school situations and in adult situations such as in the office, in faith contexts, or in situations of disenfranchisement. Think broadly and personally while getting to know Willow. Consider how your children’s faith might inform their responses to personal limitations and others who are left out.

Original Publisher & Date: Kid’s Can Press, 2010

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 3 and up, Pre and up

Formats other than Book: Tablet

Scripture Connections:  Put on then… compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience (Colossians 3:12); Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:4)

Idea(s) for Application: Let Willow teach the children in your faith family all about striving beyond personal limitations with determination and God’s creative problem-solving.

Picture Book: Willow Finds a Way

Author: Lana Button

Illustrator: Tania Howells

Summary: In the 2nd book, Willow and her classmates struggle with a class bully. We glimpse Kristabelle in book 1. Here she comes to class with a party invitation list and threatens to mark off the name of anyone who doesn’t follow her demands. 

Eventually, Willow is the one who courageously marks her own name off of the list. Other classmates follow. Kristabelle is hurt and isolated until Willow goes to the back of the line to “stand with Kristabelle” who then apologizes. 

Kristabelle tears up the invitation list saying, “My party will be fantastic… if all of my friends will come… please.” 

Hanna’s Comments: This book is about hospitality and courage, 2 important subjects for children to explore with their faith families. The world is hurting right now because of bullies sowing division and good people on the sidelines feeling powerless to speak up in ways that are civil, courageous, and kind. Point out that Willow also stands with Kristabelle, when she is hurting, and that makes all the difference. 

Ground all of this behavior in the context of biblical principles so that your kids will feel more empowered to make a positive difference in their classrooms and their world. Teach your children well and perhaps their parents will learn from them.

Original Publisher & Date: Kid’s Can Press, 2013

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 3 and up, Pre and up

Formats other than Book: Tablet

Scripture Connections:  The righteous are bold as a lion (Proverbs 28:1); God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7)

Idea(s) for Application: Let Willow teach the children in your faith family how to stand up to bullies and then be compassionate towards their hurting.

Picture Book: Willow’s Smile

Author: Lana Button

Illustrator: Tania Howells

Summary: In book 3 Willow is anxious about picture day. Again, the reason is not given, but her anxiety is very real. 

Her teacher handles this beautifully by asking the photographer to allow Willow to be his assistant. As photos of her friends are taken amidst the shouts of the silly names such an occasion calls for, Willow is encouraged to help each friend smile. 

When it’s her turn, Willow doesn’t smile until her friends give her many reasons, including a shout of “Hey, Mrs. Tickle Toes!” At the group photo, Willow joins all her friends in saying “Stinky Feet!” with a smile.

Hanna’s Comments: My favorite point in this story is when Willow, without hesitation, gives a ribbon to her friend who forgot it was picture day. 

This is such a simple gesture, but it speaks volumes to Willow’s character and lack of vanity. Children need examples like this. Spend some time on just this little Willow moment, connecting it with scripture and your faith family’s values.   

Original Publisher & Date: Kid’s Can Press, 2016

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 3 and up, Pre and up

Formats other than Book: Tablet

Scripture Connections:  The fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23); Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, if there is any excellence, anything worthy of praise, think about these things… and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9); Count it all joy… when you meet trials of various kinds (James 1:2)

Idea(s) for Application: Let Willow teach the children in your faith family how to let their community help when they are struggling with anxiety. 

A Picture Book a Day for a Year: Day 224

Picture Book: Basket Moon

Author: Mary Lyn Ray

Illustrator: Barbara Cooney

Summary: This is a beautiful picture book about the tradition of basket-making in the highlands of upstate New York. It is from the point of view of a young son who longs to walk into Hudson, the closest town, with his father to sell baskets and purchase supplies. This happens every full moon, a “basket moon” so they call it. Meanwhile, the son watches the craft of basket-making that is particular to this part of the world. Eventually he is allowed to go into town with his father, each carrying a long pole across their back full of hanging baskets of all sizes. The son is captivated by the sights and sounds of Hudson, but he overhears a group of adult men, taunting his father, calling him a “bushwhacker”. Once home, he becomes ashamed of his father’s work until a basket-maker friend helps him understand the privilege and artistry in basket-making. He begins to practice the skills and eventually acknowledges that the trees surrounding his home are making the material for baskets he will one day create.

Hanna’s Comments: Skilled handwork of all kinds is becoming a rare commodity in modernity. This is a great loss of beauty and heritage for all of us. The Author’s Note explains that the last living basket-maker of Taconic/Taghkanic (Bushwhacker) baskets died in 1996. These baskets are now found in museums and prized in the homes of collectors. Our faith communities are one place where we can explore and share our God-given gifts and artistic endeavors, knowing that tapping into our own creativity is a fine and meaningful way to give tribute to our Creator God.  

Publisher & Date of Publication: Little Brown, 1999

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 4 and up, Pre and up

# of Pages: 32

Available in Spanish? Not at present

Formats other than Book: None at present

PBT Category: Pre 2K

PBT Topics this Book Connects with: abilities, acceptance, action, adaptation/assimilation, affirmation, America, art, artifacts, attentiveness/observation/seeing, authenticity, beauty, belonging, bonds/connections, bullying/martyrs/persecution/oppression, call/calling/vocation, creativity/imagination/ingenuity, culture, differences, education/learning, family, fathers, gifts/talents, God’s will, heritage, hiding/isolation, image of God, journeys/migrations/pilgrimages/quests, labor/work, listening, moon/space/stars/sun, North America, purpose, self-discovery

Scripture Connections: So God created humankind in God’s own image (Genesis 1:27); God has filled them with the Spirit of God, with skill, with intelligence, with knowledge, and with all craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs (Exodus 35:31-32); Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30); every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17); as each has received a gift, use it to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10)

Idea(s) for Application: Read this book to a group of adults who are engaged in spiritually-based artistic endeavors, such as an Artist Way group (seeThe Artist Way by Julia Cameron), a knitting ministry, or a group of carpenters who design and make ramps for elderly or handicapped individuals. 

A Picture Book a Day for a Year: Day 216

Terrific Trio: Book 3

Picture Book: Thank You, Mr. Falker

Author & Illustrator: Patricia Polacco

Summary: Little Tricia loved books and couldn’t wait to learn to read. It didn’t happen in kindergarten though she did get to show off her drawing skills. In first grade Tricia couldn’t get beyond the first basic reader so she began to feel dumb. After her beloved grandparents died, school seemed even harder. Reading numbers was hard too. By third grade she was getting teased and called dumb, and by 5^th grade she hated school. A classmate, Eric, began to bully her. During recess, Tricia would hide under the stairwell. Her new 5^th grade teacher, Mr. Falker, explained that she didn’t see numbers and letters the way others do, but he was determined to teach her to read. After school everyday, she met again with Mr. Falker and a reading specialist who had her doing reading and writing exercises. After many months, she was able to read sentences. Thirty years later, an adult Patricia Polacca met Mr. Falker again and introduced herself. He asked what she did for a living. She was pleased to tell him with much gratitude that she makes books for children.

Hanna’s Comments: This story begins and ends with a family ritual involving pouring honey on a book and declaring that “knowledge is as sweet as honey, but it has to be chased through the pages of a book.” This autobiographical picture book, PBT’s 3^rd in a Terrific Trio, again tells the story of one of Polacca’s teacher heroes. This one may have made the most influential difference in her life by protecting her from bullies and teaching her to read. Polacca seems to have had dyslexia or some other type of learning disability. This is a surprisingly common problem among school children that deserves supportive conversation in religious communities where too often differences are viewed as shameful or simply ignored. 

Publisher & Date of Publication: Philomel, 1998

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 5 and up, K and up

# of Pages: 40

Available in Spanish? Yes

Formats other than Book: Audio download, Audio cassette

PBT Category: Pre 2K

PBT Topics this Book Connects with: abilities, ancestors/patriarchs/matriarchs, art, brokenness, bullying/martyrs/persecution/oppression, caring/tending, challenges, community, differences, difficulties, disabilities/handicaps/limitations, education/learning/school, encouragement, gentleness/meekness, goodness, grandparents, gratitude/thanksgiving, helping, heroes, hiding/isolation, individuality/uniqueness, kindness, language/literacy/reading, loneliness, memories/remembering/ritual/tradition, mentors/teachers, obstacles, transformation

Scripture Connections: Train children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6); we who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak (Romans 15:1-2)

Idea(s) for Application: Use this book to inspire adults in your faith community to make it a priority to encourage and positively influence the children in your family of faith. 

A Picture Book a Day for a Year: Day 209

Picture Book: Bully

Author & Illustrator: Patricia Polacco

Summary: On her first day of school, Lyla meets Jamie a new 6^th grade boy. When Lyla makes cheerleader, she must keep her friendship with Jamie secret because of her new popular friends. When Lyla witnesses cyber-bullying with Jamie as one of the targets, she is ashamed and tries to distance herself from the girls. When she defends eating lunch with Jamie, Lyla becomes the target of their cyber-bullying.

Hanna’s Comments: The context of this book will be very familiar to older elementary and middle school students. It should serve as a great tool for discussion because the modern characters are well-developed and this issue is very pertinent to many teens and pre-teens. Do note the length of this text and allow time for discussion. Cyber-bullying has become a serious issue of concern for too many students and adults. Its effects can be devastating and permanent. Families of faith are not immune. In fact, it behooves those of us who have influence on youth to offer a place for honest discussion and the teaching of coping strategies, proactive approaches, and moral guidance before this issue detrimentally affects our communities. This book ends the PBT focus on bullying. I hope that you find these books to be helpful resources.

Publisher & Date of Publication: G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2012

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 7 and up, 2^nd and up

# of Pages: 48

Available in Spanish? Not at present

Formats other than Book: Tablet

PBT Category: Post 2K

PBT Topics this Book Connects with: abuse/abuse of power, belonging, betrayal, bullying/martyrs/persecution/oppression, challenges, choices/decisions, commitment, communication, conflict, discord, education/learning/school, emotions/feelings, enemies, ethics, evil, exclusion/inclusion,  friends/friendship, injustice, new school, peer pressure, power, relationships, resisting evil, righteousness, victims

Scripture Connections: A friend loves at all time (Proverbs 17:17); whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor (Proverbs 21:21)

Idea(s) for Application: Consider reading this book to tweens or junior highs in your faith community when talking about issues surrounding bullying or cyber-bullying.  

A Picture Book a Day for a Year: Day 208

Picture Book:  Bully B.E.A.N.S.

Author: Julia Cook

Illustrator: Anita DuFalla

Summary: Bobbette is the big bad bully in this book, an expert at intimidating her elementary peers, especially Winston, the smartest kid in school. The unnamed female protagonist is invited to Bobbette’s house. There she meets Bobbette’s brother who bullies Bobbette in the same way Bobbette bullies everyone at her school. At home that night, the protagonist explains the bullying to her mom. Her mom gets out a bag of jelly beans and labels them “Bully BEANS” to remind those who eat them that they already have the power to stop bullies. Then she explains that to stop a bully you have to take away their power which requires working and standing together as a group. She suggests that the next time Bobbette bullies Winston, they should all stand beside him and look Bobbette in the eyes. Eat a Bully Bean beforehand. Another tactic is to ignore Bobbette or don’t look her in the eyes. When forced to look in her eyes, together they should loudly say, “Back off!” Telling a teacher or writing a note to a teacher is another suggestion. Lastly, she says that it is important to remember that Bobbette is just kid on the inside who deserves another chance if she starts to act like a friend, not a bully. The next day when the instructions are given and the Bully Beans are passed out, the strategies are tried successfully though with many Bully Beans and much courage. Eventually Bobbette becomes a friend who they armor with Bully Beans for her home situation.

Hanna’s Comments: This book about bullying is written with humor and at a lower level than others I have offered so that it is appropriate for older preschoolers. Also available is Bully B.E.A.N.S.: Activity and Idea Book. Using candy to solve social problems might be a problem for you. It might depend on the degree to which your bullying problem is disrupting your environment. Healthier options might be considered, but Bully Beans does have a nice ring to it. There is an acronym to support the idea: Bullies Everywhere Are Now Stopped.

Publisher & Date of Publication: National Center for Youth Issues, 2009

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 4 and up, Pre and up

# of Pages: 32

Available in Spanish? Not at present

Formats other than Book: None at present

PBT Category: Post 2k

PBT Topics this Book Connects with: abilities, abuse/abuse of power, action, anger, anxiety/worry, armor, bravery/courage, brokenness, bullying/martyrs/persecution/oppression, challenges, communication, community, conflict, danger, dependence/interdependence, difficulties, discord, education/learning/school, emotions/feelings, encouragement, fear, forgiveness/mercy/redemption, friends/friendship, injustice, intercession, mentors/teachers, partners/teamwork, parents/parental love, power, presence, problems/problem solving, underdogs, victims

Scripture Connections: Be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9); for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Idea(s) for Application:  Read this book to children if you have a bullying situation within your faith community. Attribute the courage found to be a gift from God and emphasize loving kindness and mercy to all bullies.  

A Picture Book a Day for a Year: Day 207

Picture Book: My Secret Bully

Author: Trudy Ludwig

Illustrator: Abigail Marble

Summary: Monica and Katie have been friends for years, but Monica is confused because now there are times when Katie is mean to her. She calls her names, talks about her in means ways to others, threatens Monica when she tries to play with mutual friends, and pointedly leaves her out of conversations and activities. Eventually Monica has no one to play with at recess so she starts to doubt herself and miss school because of stomachaches. Monica confesses her trouble with Katie to her mom who listens and helps her practice being more assertive via role-playing. The next day Monica confronts Katie in front of the other girls, and their relationship ends. Monica is sad about this loss, but she knows that real friends don’t treat each other the way Katie has treated her. She chooses to only be around people who really like her. Monica has new friends and no more stomachaches.

Hanna’s Comments: One benefit of this author’s books is the way she has the adult characters listening and then teaching appropriate coping strategies to the children. Be sure to check out the Forward by Susan Wellman, founder of the Ophelia Project. This introduction gives some details on emotional bullying aka relational aggression. In the back you’ll find Making a Difference: A Note to Parents & Teachers, a section called What can a Target do?, discussion questions, and lists of additional resources. Today’s book continues this week’s PBT focus on bullying before Anti-bullying week here in the US next week.

Publisher & Date of Publication: Tricycle Press, 2004

Age & Grade Appropriateness: 6 and up, 1^st and up

# of Pages: 32

Available in Spanish? Yes

Formats other than Book: Tablet

PBT Category: Post 2K

PBT Topics this Book Connects with: abuse/abuse of power, action, anxiety/worry, belonging, betrayal, bravery/courage, brokenness, bullying/martyrs/persecution/oppression, challenges, conflict, discord, education/learning/school, emotions/feelings, endings, enemies, exclusion/inclusion,  friends/friendship, injustice, insecurity, power, problems/problem solving, relationships, resisting evil, security, self-acceptance/self-image/self-esteem, trust/trustworthiness, victims

Scripture Connections: A friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17); encourage one another and build one another up (1^st Thessalonians 5:11)

Idea(s) for Application: Read this book to a group of elementary-aged children if you are having any relationship problems in your group. Consider having them engage in some role-playing similar to what you find in this story.